To begin with, I'd like to state a fact: human beings are social creature, they cannot survive on their own. As a human myself, I, too, cannot survive on my own. Especially in 2011, which is undoubtedly the toughest year of my seventeen years of life. This year has been so tough. Tears were shed, and at some points, I was so close to giving up.



Nonetheless, I am not going to talk about the hardship I went through, I'd like to focus on the people who help me go through the year.


Firstly, of course, my best friend forever, Jesus. He's been so loyal, patient, loving and awesome. Throughout everything, He always stands by my side. I am eternally grateful, J. I love you :).


The next in line is my family. However irritating they sometimes may be, they always believe in me. They are the ones who convinced me that giving up is not a solution; moving forward is. They consoled me and motivated me: my parents, my two sisters, my grandparents, my cousins and all my relatives. With you guys, I always feel at home :).


These past two years, I haven't been journeying without travelling companions. In fact, I have 47 awesome people that walk with me. I never thought that I would be having 16 sisters and 31 brothers when I was coming to Singapore. Living under the same roof, we shared laughters, tears, hugs, complaints, textbooks and notes, inside jokes, outings, birthdays, secrets and gossips, everything. They are the reason I am standing here at this very moment unhurt and perfectly happy. Here's to another two years! I know we can do this, although we'll be separated, we are all in this together, and yes, we shall never walk alone :').


9B. Need I say much? No. I am forever thankful that I had the best senior class ever in penabur gs. It's been three years, but we still get to meet each other, and even spend Christmases. You guys are awesome, and just so you know, I love you guys. You're one of the reasons I look forward to going home so much :).


Hostel committees! Working with you guys was absolutely amazing.  The moments we spent together are priceless: the way we try to focus during meetings but somehow always digress in the middle of our discussion, the inside jokes we shared (bertram attack, kobel, kuda-kudaan, THE HOTLINE, the tourist pose, etc!) the tears we shed, the late hours of meetings at the night before the event, the hugs, the dry run we had for amazing race which turned out as our first unofficial outing, the other outings, and of course, the kool hoodie! When I say that you are the most awesome bunch of people ever, I mean it :).


The next group of people is my dearest Juniors and seniorssss! Dearest seniors; Thanks for being so awesome, so gahoel, so inspiring, super friendly and nice. Thanks for the goodluck texts, the tutoring, everything. I feel truly blessed to have you guys :). And dearest juniors. Sorry for having some prejudices when you guys first came. I wasn't so welcoming, and I am sorry. You guys are awesome, though. Thanks for being so nice, funny, cute, generous and inspiring, too. I know for sure that you guys can ace the o'levels next year! And be nice to your juniors ;).


The next would be Tante Chen Chen and Om Ady; my only Singaporean 'parents'. Thanks for allowing me to stay in your house, cooking me Indonesian meals, helping me with packing and storing things, the barbeques, and the ipod touch! I wish you two nothing but the very best, cus om dan tante are like my family :).


My classmates and my teachers in Singapore, regardless of your nationality. Thanks for all the help and support <3. I am really grateful to have known all of you. Thanks for being so nice, helpful, kind and funny. All of you are probably the most talented, intelligent and hardworking bunch of people I've ever met. Ohh, Classes were bearable, thanks to you :)


Last but NOT the least, My best best friends. I need not mention you guys, cus I believe that you know who you are. Heee thanks for the skype calls, the long motivational-entertaining-touching text messages, the schweet tweets, the support, everything. Thanks for making the 500ish miles nothing :).



So yeah, all of you have made my 2011 such an unforgettable, wonderful and awesome year. I know that words cannot really describe how greatly thankful I am. Oh, and I am very sorry if I had said or done anything that hurt any of you guys in one way or another :/.


Wish you guys a happy new year! Here's to another awesome year of 2012! Cheeeeeers! :D

THAT sweet feeling when you just got through the toughest week of your life.

The week when you had to constantly study for this super major exams.
Your future's hanging onto it. You had such a huge pressure put on your shoulders to perform very well. You really need to prove to everyone that you are capable and able. You want to make your parents proud. You do not want to regret anything. You want to do your best. Everyone wants you to do your best.

You couldn't bear wasting just a minute to daydream. You rushed everywhere. Right after your meals, you walked briskly to your room to continue revising. You slept at midnight, cus you still needed to study, but you had to be fresh during your exams. You felt guilty when you wanted to take a nap, so you had a twenty-minute power nap everyday. That was the only amount of time you could afford. You kept away your laptop. You ignore the temptations to watch the episodes of the series you always like to watch. You turned your phone vibrating mode off. You did not touch your novels, even though they were pleading you to read them. At times, you felt frustrated cus all the facts and topics were mixed together, and you just could not distinguish them and keep them separated from each other. You were scared that you would forget them. You watched where you walked, afraid of stumbling and thus losing all your memories. You knew that it sounded so silly, as you were fully aware that you would not get such an acute brain injury just because you stumbled, but you would not take risk. You thought you would not be able to make it. You thought that you would just give up. You felt that life was unfair, as you had more paper to take compared with some of your friends, who had less subjects than you. You were stressed. Your hair was falling. You bit your nails, and they were in such a terrible state. You had minor headaches, and your sleeps were restless. You prayed harder than ever.

BUT GUESS WHAT.


YOU SURVIVED THROUGH THAT WEEK. The paper you had weren't all easy, but at least you were not panicking, and you've gotten through them with no regrets. You knew that you still have five more days. Your fight is not done yet. But you got more optimistic, cus you've been through the worst. You had never thought you would be so scared and frustrated and pressurised about this exams, but you had never thought either, that you would have such a wonderful, amazing, unbelievably remarkable feeling in your heart after you got through that week. Your prayers were answered. God walked with you through that week, and He stayed with you in every day, hour, minute and second of that week. Your parents helped you too. They texted you with motivational advice and prayers, they called you and asked you whether you were doing fine. They convinced you that you're gonna be fine. And you are! Your batch mates walked with you through it all. They were your loyal companions during that week. They faced the very same challenges. They were with you in the studies and revisions, the prayers, the walks to the exam hall, the hours of doing the paper. They kept you going. You knew that you would not be able to survive on your own. You have these people. They pushed you, and walked with you. You are blessed to have them.


When you move on with your life, just keep in your mind that you have been through such a tough time. Just remember that you can survive anything with God. Rely on Him, and He'll help you through anything. Really anything.



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GOSH I FEEL SO GOOOOOOOOD. I know I still have six paper next week, but good gracious I feel so AWESOME.

I just read a book called The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins yesterday. It was indeed a "constant suspense," and I "could not stop reading." (I'm quoting the comments from Stephen King, by the way.) I borrowed it from a friend, and she's gonna give me the second book the next time I see her! I'm soo excited and I can't wait to read the next two books (yes, it's a trilogy).

Basically, the book is about survival against starvation and hunger. How the heroine struggled in a game called the hunger games, trying to survive as well as be the lone champion of the game. It's so thrilling, and the plot is full of twist. This is what I call a good book. Like good good. I recommend this, yes yes yes.

Speaking of hunger, I have never really understood it fully before I went for the 30 hour famine camp last year. I wrote about it, by the way. Check it out here. It was a real 30 hour famine. You don't get to eat, just drink, drink and drink. Well, your stomach's not empty, but everyone knows that there is a huge different between thirst and hunger. After fasting for 30 hours, I really appreciated my food, knowing that there are loads of people who are far more unfortunate than me. Lesson learnt.


More than a year has passed since that very day, and today, it seems like God wanted to remind me of that particular lesson (read: appreciate your food. be grateful that you have some decent meal.) You must be wondering what had happened, and how did God do that.


Lemme tell you, then.


Every Friday, my recess time was awfully late. It was the latest period of recess in my school. I used to get very starved when I haven't adapted myself to the recess time. Nonetheless, my body has been used to that by now. Some days and another, there would be very few food left in the stalls as hundreds of students have gone for their recess before us. However, there will always be enough food for everyone. The vendors can easily re-stock the food, and everyone would be happy in the end.


It has never occured in my mind that someday there would not be enough food.


Yes, that was exactly what happened today. When I went for my recess, I walked directly to one stall-the yong tau foo stall. I planned to eat a bowl of hot soup as the day had been quite chilly. However, I was surprised as I saw that there were only one tray filled with a handful of green vegetables and another tray half-full of some prawn balls and crab stick. During normal days, there will be about more than six trays full with fish cakes, seaweed, tomatoes, eggs and many more! I waited for awhile for the vendor to refill the trays, but she did not do anything with those trays.

My friends and I decided to move to the next stall to buy Nasi Lemak. Again, the vendor shocked us by saying that there were no more Nasi Lemak, and they only had some noodles which we do not really like.

What the hell, we thought.

Then I went and checked another stall, only to find out that they, too, had no more rice. By that time, my friends had rushed back to the yong tau foo stall to get anything that was left on the tray. I was not that fast, unfortunately. As soon as I walked there, some students had walked past me and queued.


So I walked to another stall. All the queues were so long, I was so pissed off. I was mumbling to myself irritatedly. How could a school canteen run out of food. This was so unacceptable. I knew I wasn't the only one who was so irritated, as I could hear some other girls muttering the same thing to one another. As I muttered and swore softly, my stomach growled along with me, as if it were also pissed off. I ignored it, and waited. While waiting, I looked around me. My friends had gotten their food, and had started eating. Great. My stomach growled louder. You're not helping, I said to my growling stomach.


As I moved down the queue, suddenly the bunch of girls lining up far in front of me walked away. They looked very disappointed. Then the words spread: there were nothing left. I was literally stunned in my place.

A few seconds later, I walked to the stall and tried my luck by asking whether there were anything left. "No" was the answer.

I became desperate. I looked at the next stall: there were nothing left there, too. The remaining stalls were the snack-and-drink stall, the Nasi Lemak stall, and one noodle stall. I had never tried buying food from the noodle stall before, but anything edible was okay for me at that time. I joined the queue at the noodle stall, as it was shorter than the other stalls. As I walked down the queue, the vendor took off one of the menu sign. Uh, oh. What if there were no food left when I reached the end of the queue, I thought to myself. I cursed and swore and cursed and swore.


After quite a few moments of cursing and swearing, a friend of mine came and offered to buy some snacks from the snack-and-drink stall. Oh yesssss, please. I answered. The queue in that stall was faster. And by that time, there was only one menu left at the noodle stall. As my friend approached me with the pao, milo and jelly, I walked away from the queue, thanked her, and ate the food.


Strangely, after finishing all those random snacks and milo, I was quite full. Perhaps it was due to the chilly weather, which made my metabolism rate decreased, thus less carbohydrate stored in my body was used up, leaving me not "that" hungry. I was still quite pissed, though. I still thought that it was unbelievable that a school canteen, which is supposed to be the "source" of food for those who doesn't pack meals from home, can run out of food.


Just then, I realised that it was due to the upcoming presidential election that will take place at my school this weekend. Today, we were to be dismissed earlier, and next Monday there will be no school. That was probably why the vendors decided to reduce the amount of food sold on this particular day, so that there would not be any excess of food, which would affect their earnings. However, it appeared that the "reduction of the amount of food being sold" was rather reckless, as it resulted with quite a number of "ill-fated" students like me ended up with no food to eat. Tsk, tsk.


Anyway, let's look at the positive side. (That's what we ought to do upon facing every problems in life, isn't it?) I re-learnt the lesson: appreciate the food we have and be thankful of what we have. The reason is that there are a lot of people who are far more unfortunate than us, and who knows, there might be any occasion like this, when you don't have anything to eat. Thanks, God, for reminding me again.


And thanks to this occasion, I could relate myself to Katniss, Gale, Prim and Peeta-the characters in The Hunger Games- to their lives, their struggle and fight against starvation. At one moment, in the midst of the swearing, I once wished I were able to distinguish edible bushes and leaves from the nearby patches of plants like Katniss, and therefore eat them instead of just staring helplessly at the stalls. (Okay, I am beginning to sound so hyperbolic._.)



So yeah, after some cursing and swearing and furious toned story-telling, I was finally able to see the silver lining of this cloud, even though it was very thin, not-so-silvery and vague ;).

I can still recall, our last summer. Ah, that song brings memories. Nope, I'm not talking about love and those unyu unyu things. I'm talking about my summer vacation last june 2011. HEEEE. I went to Thailand with my family. Spent four nights there - one in Bangkok, and three in Phuket. Was hoping to meet my two thai friends, but unfortunately didn't. Well it was a well-spent holiday, though! I shopped, I went around and had fun, aaaaaand of course, I took pictures!






Flew to Phuket right after the tour to the golden palace. The plane was huge. reallllll huge. Been flying in med-sized planes like air-asia and valuair, I felt like a child flying for the first time! HEHEHE ;).

Top: the plane. huge, isn't it?
Bottom: just me, with my hoodie rolled up on my head. Just like what I said, I was as happy as a child flying for the first time, eh.


PHUKET! I feel like I were in Bali. Both are equally awesome! :).





From top to bottom:
1) the viking cave
2) carving the sand in the beach, phi phi island. LIFE'S GOOD. fyi, I just puked after being seasick on the boat. the waves were awful, dude.
3) my sister, nadine, and I.
4) this one was taken at patong beach. created by my cousin (the bikini girl) and me (the guy). I still laughed everytime I saw them. HAHAHA.
5) overly bright me, taken by my dad. The pict's supposed to portray me throwing water to the sky, but due to the wrong setting of shutter speed and aperture, it looks like I was looking up to the heaven, hahahahahahas.
6) the lone island, taken from karon viewpoint.


However, Phuket is not all about beaches. It has other tourist attractions, too! I went to the big Buddha, Fantasea, some ladyboy show, and shopped around in the local shops. OOH, and we had a very funny and gahoel tourguide! His english is so funny, yet he still speaks confidently. we liked him very much, HEHE. he pronounced "excuse me" "EKYUMI." and he looked like someone from the Indonesian band Naif! and he listens to all the trendy songs, which was aired on the car radio during our entire journey with him. In short, HE ROCKED THE CAR.


From top to bottom:
1) the big Buddha. it was really big, okay. for real.
2) one of the ushers in the huge buffet restaurant at Phuket Fantasea. I like thais! they're so friendly  and nice:).
3) the ladyboys who performed at the cabaret I watched.
4) (left) I took pict with one of the performer in the Cabaret. if you look carefully, he dressed as a half-guy and half-girl! I personally think that he was the coolest of all the performers! cus he was the only one dressing that way! :)
(right) my sister took picture with another performer. (s)he looks nice, too, hm.



Well, that's all for now. I might post more pictures someday, heheeeeh. Sorry if it's very late. Been busy all this time. Life during the holiday was so fun and relaxed. I can't wait for another long holiday in november! But I'll need to fight for the exams first. Sigh. Wish me luckkkkkk! :).


Goodnight! X.

Things hadn't been going that well.


My preliminary exams are coming, and I must admit that I'm scared.


You may laugh at this statement. Ha, ha, what a geek, scared of exams. Yes, if I were my old self when I was studying back in Indonesia, I would laugh at myself too. Me, scared of exams? Ridiculous. I didn't care that much about exams. I never did, in fact. Okay, they were as important as this one, but however worried I was, I had never been to the stage where I'm scared of exams. Not that I'm being cocky or anything, but that was the truth.

 Yet now? I need to work freakin hard to get B for my humanities, and not to mention, my two languages - English and Malay (Oh you may laugh at this one, too. Malay's not easy, okay. The fact that it's similar with Bahasa Indonesia doesn't help much. And it's "higher" Malay, by the way.). And the three sciences. When exams are coming, it seems like my science textbooks are becoming ten times thicker than they really are. Revising is never ending. And what is worst, even maths make me worried.

Everyone tells me not to overwork. I won't. Not to overstress myself. I'll try not to. To chill. I'm trying. To study hard, but pray harder. I'm doing it. To have enough rest. I'm having more sleep than some of my friends. To believe in myself. It's hard, but I'll build my confidence, yes.


God, help me :/.

The picture above kind of says what's on my mind. No, no, I'm not talking about soapy love-y thingy. I'm talking about one of my favourite musician, David Choi.


He is a very talented singer, whose fame kind of originated from youtube (just like justin bieber) from youtube. (Well, unfortunately he did not get as much attention as bieber gets, despite being a hundred times better than bieber. I wonder what has happened to the world, eh.) If you don't believe me, do check his youtube! http://www.youtube.com/davidchoimusic

Anyway, he's currently on tour to south east Asian countries, and two on the list of the countries are Indonesia and Singapore, the two countries in my life. One being my home, another a place for my study. YES I'M DYING TO GO TO HIS CONCERT. As soon as I know that he's coming, I surfed the net and checked for the dates.

FYI, I have booked my ticket home for my june holidays. I went home on the 10th of June, and am gonna be back to singapore on saturday the 25th of june.

I browsed to sistic, to check the singapore concert date. It's on the 21st and 22nd of June, in the Esplanade.
Well, I would be home at that time, so nope, can't do. Then I googled the date for his concert in Indonesia. My friend, Rachel Dewi, helped me and told me that his concert is on the 28th and 19th of June, in the Hardrock cafe.


My heart sank. This is soooo unfair. He is coming to the two countries where I live in, and yet I can't go to his concert because... because I am not in both countries when he's having his concert there. FML, dude. He is so-very-very-very close, yet still out of reach. dammmmmmmmmmmmittt. I nearly cried when I saw the two impossible dates.


Even worse, my friends are watching his concert. My heart sank deeper when I know that on the 28th, the concert in hardrock is especially set up for under-eighteens, and it's a non-alcoholic concert. Parents are definitely going to allow us to come! my friends happily said to each other. Yeah, right. I could only smiled painfully when reading their comments on facebook.


And then I saw a tweet from one of my friend whose cousin lives in singapore, stating that her cousin had gotten the pass to David Choi's meet and greet. I may be a masochist, cus I searched for the cousin's twitter account when I read a retweet from my friend to her cousin's tweet - "Three hugs from David <3 aahhh", and got my eyes stuck on the cousin's display picture, which shows her and David Choi. SHYTE. I quickly close the window. But the eyes have seen, and it's just too late. I know I shouldn't have searched the cousin's account. I know I would see something that's gonna make me feel mega jealously envious to her. but....


I am a sickly masochist, yes ._.


Well. Life is unfair. I should have gotten used to it, yeah, but this is just.......... unacceptable. Is life being as unfair as this to any of you, too? Or is it just me? Gaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh :(.

OH WAIT. or maybe, life is not THAT unfair. On the 21st, I got to spend time at my bestfriend's house. That was absobloodylutely great. We watched dvds, conversed and gossiped, laughed and talked, and we made sweet popcorns! Okay. I take back my statement. life may be unfair, but it's not THAT unfair :).


BUTTTTT, I still want to go to his concert :/. I hope that David would come again next year to either singapore or indonesia. Or any of my other favourite musicians such as Jason Mraz, Michael Buble, Kris Allen, The Script, Sara Bareilles, Kina Grannis, etc etc. (yeah I know some of them had come before, but I had not had the chance to go to their concert. pity me, I'm sucha blitz.)



Okay, I'll stop babbling, it's half past midnight here.

found this in the big buddha site, phuket. written by marker on a marble. you can actually pay to write your name and your wishes on those marbles. this one though, stood out in front of my eyes.


It touched me deeply. how this guy still loves his girl, despite the fact that they're separated. not only by distance, but also by world. this is true love, I think. although the girl had passed away, the guy clearly still loves her with all his heart. this made me speechless. completely speechless :').


dearest Katherine Keith, if you're watching down from the heaven, you need to know that you're such a lucky girl. may you rest in peace :).

Hullo. Well, this blog should change its name, I guess. The journal's been dead for quite awhile. But WHOA chill people, I'm still alive. FULLY ALIVE, even. Yes, my life's good at the moment. I'm now having a two-week time at home, a place I've been craving for months. I just had a trip to Thailand last week, and I had fun.


I know what you guys are thinking. If I had fun and I'm now at home (which I said was the place I was craving to be at for months), why is this post entitled "SUCKS", then?

Lemme explain. I've been spending these two days with the most awesome bunch of people on earth; first day making cookies with three of my besties and the second day couch-potato-ing with the other three, it suddenly pops out in my mind, how I am…


Gonna miss them sooooo muchos for the next five friggin months.


oui, mon ami. FIVE. months. I'm not going home till november. that horrible, dreadful, nightmare-ish, disgusting fact makes me realise that I am gonna miss them, and


The epic fayl caramel popcorn,
the "percakapan berkualitas" (high-quality conversation. red) in the car,
the photobooth and self-timer sessions,
the cookie making,
the gossipsharings for the sake of catchingups,
the silly jokes and abnormally loud laughs,
the dvd-marathons aka “couch potato”,
hanging out for movies,
everything.


Damn you singapore for taking me away from them. Damn you, for making me unable to attend their schweet seventeen parties. Damn you, for stealing bits and bits of my time which is supposed to be spent with them.


I never regret going to singapore, but this sucks. It just sucks. I know I have another bunch of great friends there -oh yes I am aware of how truly blessed I am, having bunches and bunches of people who care about me, and they are like my second family, they make my life there far less miserable :).


BUT I WANT TO BE WITH THIS BUNCH OF AWESOME FRIENDS, TOO. dammit I know I’m being immature and childish. Yes I know I can’t get everything that I want, but this sucks. Totally. Arfgh.