Cus that's when my holiday begins, and I have seven months of freedom. The thought of December keeps me alive. Oh, the things I would do. It makes me smile to myself (Yes, I am smiling as I write this.)

Uh oh. I can see that I'm starting to write on the project less frequently. Not gonna make any excuses. Nope. So here goes the list.

This thing I'm going through, I think it has the potential to drive me insane.

Here goes the list.

Well, hello again.

Oh well, today's practically "Day 3", but whatever.

So I realized that I have been neglecting my blog. And I also realized that I haven't been exactly a happy girl, especially now that I'm back to the pressure point--the place where I'm far from home.

Haven't had no time to write any post. I'm really sorry for that. Exams, assignments, and many other things I can't even remember have been bugging me constantly, that I even have problems to pause and breathe. No exaggeration. Even now, I'm being haunted by what is called THE Promotional Examination (aka Promos), which is coming next Monday. This week is actually end-of-term holiday, but as Promos are just right around the corner, it's no holiday for me. It's revising, mugging, memorising, studying time.



I'm now sitting at a couch in one of the public libraries, typing with freezing fingers and brains. I was summarizing and consolidating notes, but it seems like my brain refuses to work and demands a break. So blogging it is.



However, I'm not going to focus on the horrible things, I shall write about nice things that keep me sane  and bring smiles, if not happiness in the midst of my hectic life.

• Music. My iPod, that is, plus my earphone. Sometimes I feel so tired talking, and I feel like pulling myself away from the world, but I just don't know where to go. So I just sit down, plug my earphone, and blast music to my ears (if you're reading this, mum/dad, fret not, I'm not really "blasting" music to my ears. I just play them in a medium volume. I'm not interested in turning deaf anytime soon, don't worry.) Some of the music on my playlist would be 

• Jason Mraz's songs: I Won't Give Up, 93 Million Miles, Frank D Fixer, Everything is Sound, The Woman I love, Living in the Moment, Details in the Fabric, You and I Both, Be Honest, etc etc. His songs have this amrazing effect on me, they really calm me down, and remind me that "In life, it may seem dark, but the absence of the light is a necessary part... I'm not alone, I can always come back home"- 93 Million Miles.
• DEPAPEPE's songs (they're in japanese, I don't really remember their titles, but my friend has kindly helped me put tens of their nicest songs in my iPod, so yeah.)
• One Republic - Marchin' On
• Michael Buble - Lost
• Carissa Rae - Near or Far
• Julie Fowlis - Touch the Sky (ost Brave)
• Jack Johnson - Better Together
• Ed Sheeran - Lego House
• The Trees and The Wild's Songs: The Noble Savage, Kata, Our Roots, etc etc

• Going to St Mary's church. Although the church is so far away from my hostel, that it takes one and a half hour to go there, I just keep going there cus it gives me such peace I don't get from other churches. I think I can just stay there all day long if I have no work to do, or no exams coming, or any other things to do. The church has this atmosphere that gives me peace and calm, and reminds me that everything will be just fine, and I can just surrender everything to God, and He will take care of everything. I know it's true, but going to this church just reaffirms it. And I need such reaffirmation. So yeah.

• My beloved family. Short conversations with them simply make my day. They have such a big faith on me, that I feel that I am able. And they keep me going, cus I want to show them that I can make them proud, as they have believed in me.

• My awesome friends, both those back home and here in this island. They're just the best bunch of people ever. They support and motivate me, amuse and entertain and make me laugh, give me all those virtual hugs and encouraging smileys, listening to me ranting and venting my anger or my moodiness, telling me that I have them to rant on, and to lean on.

• Old messages and letters and post-its and photos. Looking at these photos, re-reading the letters, or even just skimming through them make me laugh to myself, reminding me that my life is not that bad, and I have these precious memories to cherish.

• Friends (The TV series, HA.), The Big Bang Theory, and Castle. Nuff said. They're great entertainment for me to de-stress.

• Indonesian Food. Be it snacks, pop mie, abon, ayam penyet, nasi uduk, jus alpukat, indomilk, etc. They just keep me sane.

• Thinking about the end of the year, when I'm going home. Thinking about the things I'm going to do during the holiday. Thinking about the end of next year, when it's all over and I'm finally out of this "wonderful contract." Thinking about doing things I want to do and I enjoy doing without any pressures.

You don't like it when your patience is tested. You hate it when it's being tested again and again and again. I'm now losing my patience to the extent that I feel like crying.


But NO. I won't just give up.


I may not be strong, but I have the best buddy in the world I could've asked for. He's been staying with me through thick and thin, comforting and consoling me, convincing me that everything is going to be okay in the end, no matter how complicated or pressurizing things may be.

He's been so loving and caring, even though I often forget about Him or ignore Him. Yeah, He gives me the strength and courage I need to still go on, and stay calm and composed in  facing whatever problems that come my way.


You're the best, J. And You're the reason that I won't give up.


The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

To begin with, I'd like to state a fact: human beings are social creature, they cannot survive on their own. As a human myself, I, too, cannot survive on my own. Especially in 2011, which is undoubtedly the toughest year of my seventeen years of life. This year has been so tough. Tears were shed, and at some points, I was so close to giving up.



Nonetheless, I am not going to talk about the hardship I went through, I'd like to focus on the people who help me go through the year.


Firstly, of course, my best friend forever, Jesus. He's been so loyal, patient, loving and awesome. Throughout everything, He always stands by my side. I am eternally grateful, J. I love you :).


The next in line is my family. However irritating they sometimes may be, they always believe in me. They are the ones who convinced me that giving up is not a solution; moving forward is. They consoled me and motivated me: my parents, my two sisters, my grandparents, my cousins and all my relatives. With you guys, I always feel at home :).


These past two years, I haven't been journeying without travelling companions. In fact, I have 47 awesome people that walk with me. I never thought that I would be having 16 sisters and 31 brothers when I was coming to Singapore. Living under the same roof, we shared laughters, tears, hugs, complaints, textbooks and notes, inside jokes, outings, birthdays, secrets and gossips, everything. They are the reason I am standing here at this very moment unhurt and perfectly happy. Here's to another two years! I know we can do this, although we'll be separated, we are all in this together, and yes, we shall never walk alone :').


9B. Need I say much? No. I am forever thankful that I had the best senior class ever in penabur gs. It's been three years, but we still get to meet each other, and even spend Christmases. You guys are awesome, and just so you know, I love you guys. You're one of the reasons I look forward to going home so much :).


Hostel committees! Working with you guys was absolutely amazing.  The moments we spent together are priceless: the way we try to focus during meetings but somehow always digress in the middle of our discussion, the inside jokes we shared (bertram attack, kobel, kuda-kudaan, THE HOTLINE, the tourist pose, etc!) the tears we shed, the late hours of meetings at the night before the event, the hugs, the dry run we had for amazing race which turned out as our first unofficial outing, the other outings, and of course, the kool hoodie! When I say that you are the most awesome bunch of people ever, I mean it :).


The next group of people is my dearest Juniors and seniorssss! Dearest seniors; Thanks for being so awesome, so gahoel, so inspiring, super friendly and nice. Thanks for the goodluck texts, the tutoring, everything. I feel truly blessed to have you guys :). And dearest juniors. Sorry for having some prejudices when you guys first came. I wasn't so welcoming, and I am sorry. You guys are awesome, though. Thanks for being so nice, funny, cute, generous and inspiring, too. I know for sure that you guys can ace the o'levels next year! And be nice to your juniors ;).


The next would be Tante Chen Chen and Om Ady; my only Singaporean 'parents'. Thanks for allowing me to stay in your house, cooking me Indonesian meals, helping me with packing and storing things, the barbeques, and the ipod touch! I wish you two nothing but the very best, cus om dan tante are like my family :).


My classmates and my teachers in Singapore, regardless of your nationality. Thanks for all the help and support <3. I am really grateful to have known all of you. Thanks for being so nice, helpful, kind and funny. All of you are probably the most talented, intelligent and hardworking bunch of people I've ever met. Ohh, Classes were bearable, thanks to you :)


Last but NOT the least, My best best friends. I need not mention you guys, cus I believe that you know who you are. Heee thanks for the skype calls, the long motivational-entertaining-touching text messages, the schweet tweets, the support, everything. Thanks for making the 500ish miles nothing :).



So yeah, all of you have made my 2011 such an unforgettable, wonderful and awesome year. I know that words cannot really describe how greatly thankful I am. Oh, and I am very sorry if I had said or done anything that hurt any of you guys in one way or another :/.


Wish you guys a happy new year! Here's to another awesome year of 2012! Cheeeeeers! :D

THAT sweet feeling when you just got through the toughest week of your life.

The week when you had to constantly study for this super major exams.
Your future's hanging onto it. You had such a huge pressure put on your shoulders to perform very well. You really need to prove to everyone that you are capable and able. You want to make your parents proud. You do not want to regret anything. You want to do your best. Everyone wants you to do your best.

You couldn't bear wasting just a minute to daydream. You rushed everywhere. Right after your meals, you walked briskly to your room to continue revising. You slept at midnight, cus you still needed to study, but you had to be fresh during your exams. You felt guilty when you wanted to take a nap, so you had a twenty-minute power nap everyday. That was the only amount of time you could afford. You kept away your laptop. You ignore the temptations to watch the episodes of the series you always like to watch. You turned your phone vibrating mode off. You did not touch your novels, even though they were pleading you to read them. At times, you felt frustrated cus all the facts and topics were mixed together, and you just could not distinguish them and keep them separated from each other. You were scared that you would forget them. You watched where you walked, afraid of stumbling and thus losing all your memories. You knew that it sounded so silly, as you were fully aware that you would not get such an acute brain injury just because you stumbled, but you would not take risk. You thought you would not be able to make it. You thought that you would just give up. You felt that life was unfair, as you had more paper to take compared with some of your friends, who had less subjects than you. You were stressed. Your hair was falling. You bit your nails, and they were in such a terrible state. You had minor headaches, and your sleeps were restless. You prayed harder than ever.

BUT GUESS WHAT.


YOU SURVIVED THROUGH THAT WEEK. The paper you had weren't all easy, but at least you were not panicking, and you've gotten through them with no regrets. You knew that you still have five more days. Your fight is not done yet. But you got more optimistic, cus you've been through the worst. You had never thought you would be so scared and frustrated and pressurised about this exams, but you had never thought either, that you would have such a wonderful, amazing, unbelievably remarkable feeling in your heart after you got through that week. Your prayers were answered. God walked with you through that week, and He stayed with you in every day, hour, minute and second of that week. Your parents helped you too. They texted you with motivational advice and prayers, they called you and asked you whether you were doing fine. They convinced you that you're gonna be fine. And you are! Your batch mates walked with you through it all. They were your loyal companions during that week. They faced the very same challenges. They were with you in the studies and revisions, the prayers, the walks to the exam hall, the hours of doing the paper. They kept you going. You knew that you would not be able to survive on your own. You have these people. They pushed you, and walked with you. You are blessed to have them.


When you move on with your life, just keep in your mind that you have been through such a tough time. Just remember that you can survive anything with God. Rely on Him, and He'll help you through anything. Really anything.



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GOSH I FEEL SO GOOOOOOOOD. I know I still have six paper next week, but good gracious I feel so AWESOME.

I just read a book called The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins yesterday. It was indeed a "constant suspense," and I "could not stop reading." (I'm quoting the comments from Stephen King, by the way.) I borrowed it from a friend, and she's gonna give me the second book the next time I see her! I'm soo excited and I can't wait to read the next two books (yes, it's a trilogy).

Basically, the book is about survival against starvation and hunger. How the heroine struggled in a game called the hunger games, trying to survive as well as be the lone champion of the game. It's so thrilling, and the plot is full of twist. This is what I call a good book. Like good good. I recommend this, yes yes yes.

Speaking of hunger, I have never really understood it fully before I went for the 30 hour famine camp last year. I wrote about it, by the way. Check it out here. It was a real 30 hour famine. You don't get to eat, just drink, drink and drink. Well, your stomach's not empty, but everyone knows that there is a huge different between thirst and hunger. After fasting for 30 hours, I really appreciated my food, knowing that there are loads of people who are far more unfortunate than me. Lesson learnt.


More than a year has passed since that very day, and today, it seems like God wanted to remind me of that particular lesson (read: appreciate your food. be grateful that you have some decent meal.) You must be wondering what had happened, and how did God do that.


Lemme tell you, then.


Every Friday, my recess time was awfully late. It was the latest period of recess in my school. I used to get very starved when I haven't adapted myself to the recess time. Nonetheless, my body has been used to that by now. Some days and another, there would be very few food left in the stalls as hundreds of students have gone for their recess before us. However, there will always be enough food for everyone. The vendors can easily re-stock the food, and everyone would be happy in the end.


It has never occured in my mind that someday there would not be enough food.


Yes, that was exactly what happened today. When I went for my recess, I walked directly to one stall-the yong tau foo stall. I planned to eat a bowl of hot soup as the day had been quite chilly. However, I was surprised as I saw that there were only one tray filled with a handful of green vegetables and another tray half-full of some prawn balls and crab stick. During normal days, there will be about more than six trays full with fish cakes, seaweed, tomatoes, eggs and many more! I waited for awhile for the vendor to refill the trays, but she did not do anything with those trays.

My friends and I decided to move to the next stall to buy Nasi Lemak. Again, the vendor shocked us by saying that there were no more Nasi Lemak, and they only had some noodles which we do not really like.

What the hell, we thought.

Then I went and checked another stall, only to find out that they, too, had no more rice. By that time, my friends had rushed back to the yong tau foo stall to get anything that was left on the tray. I was not that fast, unfortunately. As soon as I walked there, some students had walked past me and queued.


So I walked to another stall. All the queues were so long, I was so pissed off. I was mumbling to myself irritatedly. How could a school canteen run out of food. This was so unacceptable. I knew I wasn't the only one who was so irritated, as I could hear some other girls muttering the same thing to one another. As I muttered and swore softly, my stomach growled along with me, as if it were also pissed off. I ignored it, and waited. While waiting, I looked around me. My friends had gotten their food, and had started eating. Great. My stomach growled louder. You're not helping, I said to my growling stomach.


As I moved down the queue, suddenly the bunch of girls lining up far in front of me walked away. They looked very disappointed. Then the words spread: there were nothing left. I was literally stunned in my place.

A few seconds later, I walked to the stall and tried my luck by asking whether there were anything left. "No" was the answer.

I became desperate. I looked at the next stall: there were nothing left there, too. The remaining stalls were the snack-and-drink stall, the Nasi Lemak stall, and one noodle stall. I had never tried buying food from the noodle stall before, but anything edible was okay for me at that time. I joined the queue at the noodle stall, as it was shorter than the other stalls. As I walked down the queue, the vendor took off one of the menu sign. Uh, oh. What if there were no food left when I reached the end of the queue, I thought to myself. I cursed and swore and cursed and swore.


After quite a few moments of cursing and swearing, a friend of mine came and offered to buy some snacks from the snack-and-drink stall. Oh yesssss, please. I answered. The queue in that stall was faster. And by that time, there was only one menu left at the noodle stall. As my friend approached me with the pao, milo and jelly, I walked away from the queue, thanked her, and ate the food.


Strangely, after finishing all those random snacks and milo, I was quite full. Perhaps it was due to the chilly weather, which made my metabolism rate decreased, thus less carbohydrate stored in my body was used up, leaving me not "that" hungry. I was still quite pissed, though. I still thought that it was unbelievable that a school canteen, which is supposed to be the "source" of food for those who doesn't pack meals from home, can run out of food.


Just then, I realised that it was due to the upcoming presidential election that will take place at my school this weekend. Today, we were to be dismissed earlier, and next Monday there will be no school. That was probably why the vendors decided to reduce the amount of food sold on this particular day, so that there would not be any excess of food, which would affect their earnings. However, it appeared that the "reduction of the amount of food being sold" was rather reckless, as it resulted with quite a number of "ill-fated" students like me ended up with no food to eat. Tsk, tsk.


Anyway, let's look at the positive side. (That's what we ought to do upon facing every problems in life, isn't it?) I re-learnt the lesson: appreciate the food we have and be thankful of what we have. The reason is that there are a lot of people who are far more unfortunate than us, and who knows, there might be any occasion like this, when you don't have anything to eat. Thanks, God, for reminding me again.


And thanks to this occasion, I could relate myself to Katniss, Gale, Prim and Peeta-the characters in The Hunger Games- to their lives, their struggle and fight against starvation. At one moment, in the midst of the swearing, I once wished I were able to distinguish edible bushes and leaves from the nearby patches of plants like Katniss, and therefore eat them instead of just staring helplessly at the stalls. (Okay, I am beginning to sound so hyperbolic._.)



So yeah, after some cursing and swearing and furious toned story-telling, I was finally able to see the silver lining of this cloud, even though it was very thin, not-so-silvery and vague ;).

I can still recall, our last summer. Ah, that song brings memories. Nope, I'm not talking about love and those unyu unyu things. I'm talking about my summer vacation last june 2011. HEEEE. I went to Thailand with my family. Spent four nights there - one in Bangkok, and three in Phuket. Was hoping to meet my two thai friends, but unfortunately didn't. Well it was a well-spent holiday, though! I shopped, I went around and had fun, aaaaaand of course, I took pictures!






Flew to Phuket right after the tour to the golden palace. The plane was huge. reallllll huge. Been flying in med-sized planes like air-asia and valuair, I felt like a child flying for the first time! HEHEHE ;).

Top: the plane. huge, isn't it?
Bottom: just me, with my hoodie rolled up on my head. Just like what I said, I was as happy as a child flying for the first time, eh.


PHUKET! I feel like I were in Bali. Both are equally awesome! :).





From top to bottom:
1) the viking cave
2) carving the sand in the beach, phi phi island. LIFE'S GOOD. fyi, I just puked after being seasick on the boat. the waves were awful, dude.
3) my sister, nadine, and I.
4) this one was taken at patong beach. created by my cousin (the bikini girl) and me (the guy). I still laughed everytime I saw them. HAHAHA.
5) overly bright me, taken by my dad. The pict's supposed to portray me throwing water to the sky, but due to the wrong setting of shutter speed and aperture, it looks like I was looking up to the heaven, hahahahahahas.
6) the lone island, taken from karon viewpoint.


However, Phuket is not all about beaches. It has other tourist attractions, too! I went to the big Buddha, Fantasea, some ladyboy show, and shopped around in the local shops. OOH, and we had a very funny and gahoel tourguide! His english is so funny, yet he still speaks confidently. we liked him very much, HEHE. he pronounced "excuse me" "EKYUMI." and he looked like someone from the Indonesian band Naif! and he listens to all the trendy songs, which was aired on the car radio during our entire journey with him. In short, HE ROCKED THE CAR.


From top to bottom:
1) the big Buddha. it was really big, okay. for real.
2) one of the ushers in the huge buffet restaurant at Phuket Fantasea. I like thais! they're so friendly  and nice:).
3) the ladyboys who performed at the cabaret I watched.
4) (left) I took pict with one of the performer in the Cabaret. if you look carefully, he dressed as a half-guy and half-girl! I personally think that he was the coolest of all the performers! cus he was the only one dressing that way! :)
(right) my sister took picture with another performer. (s)he looks nice, too, hm.



Well, that's all for now. I might post more pictures someday, heheeeeh. Sorry if it's very late. Been busy all this time. Life during the holiday was so fun and relaxed. I can't wait for another long holiday in november! But I'll need to fight for the exams first. Sigh. Wish me luckkkkkk! :).


Goodnight! X.

Things hadn't been going that well.


My preliminary exams are coming, and I must admit that I'm scared.


You may laugh at this statement. Ha, ha, what a geek, scared of exams. Yes, if I were my old self when I was studying back in Indonesia, I would laugh at myself too. Me, scared of exams? Ridiculous. I didn't care that much about exams. I never did, in fact. Okay, they were as important as this one, but however worried I was, I had never been to the stage where I'm scared of exams. Not that I'm being cocky or anything, but that was the truth.

 Yet now? I need to work freakin hard to get B for my humanities, and not to mention, my two languages - English and Malay (Oh you may laugh at this one, too. Malay's not easy, okay. The fact that it's similar with Bahasa Indonesia doesn't help much. And it's "higher" Malay, by the way.). And the three sciences. When exams are coming, it seems like my science textbooks are becoming ten times thicker than they really are. Revising is never ending. And what is worst, even maths make me worried.

Everyone tells me not to overwork. I won't. Not to overstress myself. I'll try not to. To chill. I'm trying. To study hard, but pray harder. I'm doing it. To have enough rest. I'm having more sleep than some of my friends. To believe in myself. It's hard, but I'll build my confidence, yes.


God, help me :/.

The picture above kind of says what's on my mind. No, no, I'm not talking about soapy love-y thingy. I'm talking about one of my favourite musician, David Choi.


He is a very talented singer, whose fame kind of originated from youtube (just like justin bieber) from youtube. (Well, unfortunately he did not get as much attention as bieber gets, despite being a hundred times better than bieber. I wonder what has happened to the world, eh.) If you don't believe me, do check his youtube! http://www.youtube.com/davidchoimusic

Anyway, he's currently on tour to south east Asian countries, and two on the list of the countries are Indonesia and Singapore, the two countries in my life. One being my home, another a place for my study. YES I'M DYING TO GO TO HIS CONCERT. As soon as I know that he's coming, I surfed the net and checked for the dates.

FYI, I have booked my ticket home for my june holidays. I went home on the 10th of June, and am gonna be back to singapore on saturday the 25th of june.

I browsed to sistic, to check the singapore concert date. It's on the 21st and 22nd of June, in the Esplanade.
Well, I would be home at that time, so nope, can't do. Then I googled the date for his concert in Indonesia. My friend, Rachel Dewi, helped me and told me that his concert is on the 28th and 19th of June, in the Hardrock cafe.


My heart sank. This is soooo unfair. He is coming to the two countries where I live in, and yet I can't go to his concert because... because I am not in both countries when he's having his concert there. FML, dude. He is so-very-very-very close, yet still out of reach. dammmmmmmmmmmmittt. I nearly cried when I saw the two impossible dates.


Even worse, my friends are watching his concert. My heart sank deeper when I know that on the 28th, the concert in hardrock is especially set up for under-eighteens, and it's a non-alcoholic concert. Parents are definitely going to allow us to come! my friends happily said to each other. Yeah, right. I could only smiled painfully when reading their comments on facebook.


And then I saw a tweet from one of my friend whose cousin lives in singapore, stating that her cousin had gotten the pass to David Choi's meet and greet. I may be a masochist, cus I searched for the cousin's twitter account when I read a retweet from my friend to her cousin's tweet - "Three hugs from David <3 aahhh", and got my eyes stuck on the cousin's display picture, which shows her and David Choi. SHYTE. I quickly close the window. But the eyes have seen, and it's just too late. I know I shouldn't have searched the cousin's account. I know I would see something that's gonna make me feel mega jealously envious to her. but....


I am a sickly masochist, yes ._.


Well. Life is unfair. I should have gotten used to it, yeah, but this is just.......... unacceptable. Is life being as unfair as this to any of you, too? Or is it just me? Gaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh :(.

OH WAIT. or maybe, life is not THAT unfair. On the 21st, I got to spend time at my bestfriend's house. That was absobloodylutely great. We watched dvds, conversed and gossiped, laughed and talked, and we made sweet popcorns! Okay. I take back my statement. life may be unfair, but it's not THAT unfair :).


BUTTTTT, I still want to go to his concert :/. I hope that David would come again next year to either singapore or indonesia. Or any of my other favourite musicians such as Jason Mraz, Michael Buble, Kris Allen, The Script, Sara Bareilles, Kina Grannis, etc etc. (yeah I know some of them had come before, but I had not had the chance to go to their concert. pity me, I'm sucha blitz.)



Okay, I'll stop babbling, it's half past midnight here.

Hullo. Well, this blog should change its name, I guess. The journal's been dead for quite awhile. But WHOA chill people, I'm still alive. FULLY ALIVE, even. Yes, my life's good at the moment. I'm now having a two-week time at home, a place I've been craving for months. I just had a trip to Thailand last week, and I had fun.


I know what you guys are thinking. If I had fun and I'm now at home (which I said was the place I was craving to be at for months), why is this post entitled "SUCKS", then?

Lemme explain. I've been spending these two days with the most awesome bunch of people on earth; first day making cookies with three of my besties and the second day couch-potato-ing with the other three, it suddenly pops out in my mind, how I am…


Gonna miss them sooooo muchos for the next five friggin months.


oui, mon ami. FIVE. months. I'm not going home till november. that horrible, dreadful, nightmare-ish, disgusting fact makes me realise that I am gonna miss them, and


The epic fayl caramel popcorn,
the "percakapan berkualitas" (high-quality conversation. red) in the car,
the photobooth and self-timer sessions,
the cookie making,
the gossipsharings for the sake of catchingups,
the silly jokes and abnormally loud laughs,
the dvd-marathons aka “couch potato”,
hanging out for movies,
everything.


Damn you singapore for taking me away from them. Damn you, for making me unable to attend their schweet seventeen parties. Damn you, for stealing bits and bits of my time which is supposed to be spent with them.


I never regret going to singapore, but this sucks. It just sucks. I know I have another bunch of great friends there -oh yes I am aware of how truly blessed I am, having bunches and bunches of people who care about me, and they are like my second family, they make my life there far less miserable :).


BUT I WANT TO BE WITH THIS BUNCH OF AWESOME FRIENDS, TOO. dammit I know I’m being immature and childish. Yes I know I can’t get everything that I want, but this sucks. Totally. Arfgh.

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Hey! As some of you guys know, I am a huge fan of Jason Mraz. He's one amazing singer. And yeah, I'm listening to one of his songs as I am writing this post now! So I read this note of his in facebook, which is about the things he's grateful for in 10 years, which he listed down in 90 seconds. You can read it here. Inspired by this note, I make this post!

But it's not exactly the same, cus I'm not that old. I mean... 10 years of gratitude? 10 years ago I was this naive little girl who doesn't even know where Singapore is located, and who thinks that the only cool job in the world is doctor and astronaut. And now? I am living in that frikin place. So I decided to shorten the period of my gratitude to... ONE YEAR.


2010 was awesome. Awesomely tough. And I awesomely survived. Well, with scratches and bruises in some places, but still in one piece. And I won't be able to do it without the help of these things. Few minutes ago, I set my countdown timer application in my phone to 1 minutes 30 seconds, and type these things I'm grateful for in notepad.


So here are what I'm grateful for:

• BESTIES
• scholars!
• junior highschool buddies
• parents!
• sisssssss
• cousins and aunties and uncles
• grandma's lomie and ayam garing
• Om ady & Tante chen chen!
• Christmas
• Sekolah minggu
• CHURCHMATES
• ROSES!
• HOSCOMM
• seniors!
• XINHUI my partner!
• schoolmates
• Holidays
• Skype
• MSN
• internet!
• MOE for monthly salaries
• Mum for sending reflection everyday
• Laptop
• Ipod

This pict was taken wayyyyy in 2009. We may change physically, but we're still together! :).







Talking about having second family, I can't forget my first and most amazing family in the world. My very own parents and sisters, of course. They're awesome. Yes, now you get it where I got my awesome-ness, huh. ;);).

All those people. They create smile on my face, sometimes even when tears were on the very edge of my eyes, ready to flow down. Thanks for an awesome year of 2010 :).


Actually there are loads more that I am very grateful for, but 90 seconds is short, huh. Maybe I'll give myself another 90 seconds for another post someday!


And why don't you guys try for your very own list! Give yourself 90 seconds!



GO!

OMG FINALLY THE FAREWELL WAS OVER YESTERDAYYYYY.



I've been fighting and spending sleepless nights and struggling with my macbook and writing 78 messages for my 78 seniors and it was exam period, too. I was so scaaaaaared that they wouldnt enjoy the farewell, especially the JC2s, who have some "high expectations" and high "tendency" to "boo" us away.


well, I know that it wasn't perfect, but they enjoyed it. That's all we (the committees) want :).

Costumes on! :).


THE JC2s, plus anisa.

the JC2s TERRORISTS FREEDOM FIGHTERS! They're super creative! look at the suicide bombers costume! There are redoxons and freaking calculators! HAHAHAHA :D

the lovely senioressssss


my batchmatesssss + anisa! (she's such a superstar that night hahaha)

Rena with the terrorist :)





MY SISTAAAAA <3<3<3. Gonna miss youuuuuu :(.

here are the sec 4s.



OMG I'll surely miss them all! Even tho it's been only a year, I feel like having a second family here in CJCH. I seriously can't imagine how hostel life would be without such seniors like them.

And next year, I am the senior. That would feel super weird, huh.



Hiks. I'm speechless. All of you are the best seniors one could ever ask, bener deh.

Thank you for everything. Udah mau ngajarin gue disaat otak gue nge-lag, udah mau memotivasi gue supaya lebih kiasu dan jadi the ultimate mugger, udah mau menghibur gue disaat gue down atau stress atau sedih atau kangen rumah, udah mau bagi-bagi makanan ke gue, udah mau menggossip bersama gue, udah mau dengerin gue ngoceh sampe ngalor ngidul, udah mau curhat ke gue, dan masih banyak lagi.

I really appreciate everything that you guys have done to me, even by just smiling and saying hello when we met at the corridors or whatever. You guys are the funniest, friendliest, nicest, cutest, most caring, and sweetest seniors eveerrrrrrrr.



You've coloured my life. You make me feel normal. You make me feel at home :).

All the best for all of you, seniorsss. Remember that you still have a home here, in CJCH :''''').

I've been an ultimate liar in telling what and how I feel to others. I must admit, that I don't really feel comfortable telling a friend that I have a crush, or I hate you, or I'm homesick, or I want you to shut up, I love you, I like your style, or all sorts of feelings that people tell to each other.

I may be a tweeter, and I write a lot on it, and I have a blog in which I write about myself, but I'm a sucker when it comes to feelings. A total sucker.

Especially when I'm mad, I prefer to swallow them down. Well, it doesn't work really well nowadays. I just can't stand those anger feelings sometimes, and all I wanted was to blow them up, and let them away. However, I just can't. Okay, you can tell me I'm a coward, stupid disgusting hypocrite or whatever.

So now, I just keep them to myself, stay quiet, and listened to songs in my ipod.

Hmm, perhaps another problem is that I don't have someone to talk to. Well, I have friends here, don't get me wrong, but I haven't found the one whom I can't confide all my darkest secrets which I'm not comfortable to share with casual acquaintances, talk about things that burden me, or simply just do silly things together with greatest pleasure as if what we do is the most extraordinary thing on earth.



.....



I apologise if my blabber is getting off the senses. Or if my english is not understandable, or if it's mistaken in any ways.


I'm getting to realise that I'm such a terrible blogger.

HEY! it's been awhile since the last time I posted. well, the title - ANTEVASIN, if youre wondering, means "in betweener", or literally: one who lives in the border in sanskrit.

I got this word from a book, EAT PRAY LOVE. A nice book, though it's a bit tedious in some parts.
So let me explain something about the word, which I took from the book.




An antevasin lives in sight of both worlds, and he/she looks towards the unknown part. According to the literal translation, he/she is a scholar, not a villager, but not the one living deep in the unexplored woods either.

As in the modern world, it means living on the line between your old thinking and your new understanding, and always in state of learning.
As he/she advances forward in his/her studies and realisations, the border is always moving.




Well, I think this word describes me in some ways. Not really about the fact that I'm a scholar, but more that the in-betweener thingy.

I've spent so much time during my leisure times wondering what I'm supposed to be, what I wanna be, and what things I'm good at, but...

I'm not any of those people who are super talented, nor am I an indifferent idiot.
I'm not the kind of ingenious artist, nor am I a person with no sense of art.
I'm not a prodigious musician, nor am I a person with no music understanding.
I'm not an extrovert who is able to adapt everywhere, nor am I an introvert who can't socialise.
I'm not the type of person who takes things very seriously, nor am I a type of person who is super laid back.
I'm not a person who is extremely devoted to GOD and a religious girl who desires to be a nun, nor am I an atheist that have no faith in any gods.



Well...



"I'm just a slippery antevasin, betwixt and between, a student on the ever-shifting border near the wonderful, scary forest of the new." - Elizabeth Gilbert.