Dumping My Thoughts
This thing I'm going through, I think it has the potential to drive me insane.
I got myself into this, I know. It was because of the novelty of being abroad, the naivety of a fifteen year old girl I was, the ambitiousness I had, the desire of being independent.
Oh I'm not saying that I did not become more independent. And I'm also not saying that being abroad doesn't have any perks to it. I did get a lot of new experiences, and I met great people that I'm sure will be my good friends till years to come.
But I will be honest, that sometimes I have some thoughts that bother me. When stress finds me, I often think whether this, all this, is worth it. Is it really worth it? I wonder if people who had come before me could tell me if it is. The struggle, the 500 mile distance, the pressure, the solitude, the constant need of hardwork, the tears and frustration. Are those really worth it in the end of the four years?
I'm about to find out myself, as the end is near, I know. Maybe it's worth it. Or maybe not. I want to believe that it is, though. I hope it is.
Things I'm Grateful For (Day 6/7/8)
Here goes the list.
A very nice bus driver who stopped for awhile when he heard I've dropped my stuff. He asked whether I was okay, and waited for me to take my stuff and get back to my seat. And he greeted me when I got on and alighted. I think that was the nicest bus driver I've ever met. Ever. Thank you, uncle.
Mum, for reminding me to have the end in mind. She kinda forced me to think about what I want to become in the next five years, and what is my target at the end of this year. And that also makes me think about all the activities I wanna do after this major exam of mine. All the fun, all the freedom. And those thoughts lift up my spirits. Thanks, mum.
My senior, for motivating and encouraging me, and believing that I can do it. Even though you sound like you're teasing me. I know you mean well. Haha.
My teacher, for being so passionate and equally (even more, sometimes) excited about what I'm doing. And for having that faith in me, and telling me that my ideas are workable, however ridiculous they sound sometimes.
My awesome friend who had dinner with me yesterday but forgot to bring her wallet. Thanks for waiting and tolerating my tardiness, and for accompanying me to buy all sorts of funny stuff. I'm so so grateful to have you around.
The good-enough-weather. I really hope I won't need to wear the n95 mask anymore. And I hope SBY really meant it when he said that they're gonna try their best to stop the burning asap. And I hope it rains soon.
Things I'm Grateful For (Day 4/5)
Well, hello again.
So the pollution standard index in this little island has been increasing berry berry horribly for the past few days. I must say that some of the stuff said by Indonesian officials really disappointed me, and I know that they could do much better than this. I shall not specify whose opinion I'm referring to, or what did the person say, as I know a lot of people should know which one is it I'm talking about. I hope that they would notice that this is a big problem too, and something needs to be done ASAP, as this haze affects people's lives.
Anyways, enough sidetracking. Here goes the third list.
Tante Chen-Chen and Om Ady. God bless them. I'm temporarily "migrating" to their house at the moment (because of the haze, of course). And they are so so so nice, I really don't know how to put it in words. I am such a burden, an extra mouth to feed and all, especially now that they have a four month old baby. But they still welcome me, and in fact, it was them who invited me to come over. I don't know how I'm gonna do without them :').
This one teacher that I didn't like. I really disliked this teacher. I used to btch about her, and we even had a nickname for her. But yesterday, something happened, and it made me changed my mind. I realized that this teacher is actually a very nice, flexible, helpful and caring person. Well, he/she may be irritating at times, but..... nobody's perfect. And I promise that I will remember this kindness the teacher did to me if he/she irritates me in the future haha.
My friends. I'm thankful to have all of them, but I'll do some special mentions.
One of them helped me bring some stuff I forgot to bring from my house all the way here. All the way here!! The fact that he's willing to spare some space in his luggage makes me feel so grateful.
Another one stayed by my side when I was freaking out, and helped me look for a teacher. It was a simple deed: this guy just sat there and listened to me rambling and calling people, and it wasn't even relevant to him. Thank you.
My couzzzzzzzzin. Just because. I really wish this silly person is here. Sigh.
I guess that's it for now. And I hope my productivity rate increases significantly. And I also wish that the next five months past quickly, painlessly and tearlessly. Can't wait for December to come. Hope eeverything goes fine. Crossing fingers.
Things I'm Grateful For (Day 2/3)
Oh well, today's practically "Day 3", but whatever.
So as everyone can see on the online world, the haze has been horrible. People are whining and wheezing and putting the blame on Indonesia. Little did they know that Indonesia is so huge, that most Indonesians are not aware with what's happening. I wasn't. Until I came here and studied physical geog and experienced the haze myself. And for those who have no idea what am I talking about...... Our friend Google is always there, yknow.
Nuff sidetracking. Here goes the second list.
Did I say something about having Libraries? Oh libraries. I love them. (And yeah I realized how nerdy that sounds. Like I care.) To whoever had the idea to build an entire building filled with books, kudos to you, sir/ma'am. So yeah, there's a library only ten minutes away from where I live, and there's the biggest one in the country (National Library) just within 30 minute bus ride. Those two places are like havens for me. The phrase "stuck under the rain" doesn't mean anything when I'm in the library.
The fact that the haze doesn't affect my family. My grandpa has some lung problems, and I'm pretty sure that my mum and my sister would have some respiratory problems too if the haze goes all the way there. So I'm really glad that they're safe back home.
Milk Tea. Kaya Toast. Pork Rice. McChicken. Cheap food. Enough said.
Okay I can't really think of anything else right now. Hopefully I can list at least five tomorrow.
A New Project: Things I'm Grateful For
So I realized that I have been neglecting my blog. And I also realized that I haven't been exactly a happy girl, especially now that I'm back to the pressure point--the place where I'm far from home.
The fact that I won't be able to go back home till December, and that my coursework deadline and the mother-of-all-exam are coming, only help to dampen my mood and increase my stress level.
That's why I decided to try start a new project: (okay I know my past projects haven't been successful, but I'll try harder now, I promise.) Things I'm Grateful for.
So here goes the list, in no particular order, as I'm typing whatever pops in my mind.
Snacks from home. Indomilk, popmie, tango, nyam nyam, taro etc etc etc. a little taste of home helps me go through my days.
Friends. My mugging buddies. My hostel mates. My juniors and seniors. Their presence makes it easier. They make me smile, with all their quirks and the conversation topics we share. They're like a constant reminder that I'm not alone in this journey I'm on.
My senior's art notes. Without my laptop, I really don't know how I'm going to survive if I don't have these notes with me. You may not read this, but I'm really really really grateful. Really.
The transport system. Buses. Cheap concession fare. Without them I would be stuck in my hot-and-humid-as-sauna room.
My smartphone. Now that I don't have my laptop with me, I can't imagine if my phone stops functioning. (Touch wood)
My parents. The telephone calls, the whatsapp messages, the emails. The constant encouragement and prayers. And for putting up with my moodswings and nonsensical requests. Thank you.
Well, I guess that's it for now.
Guess what's coming: Christmas!
IT'S 12 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS!
Yes, I am stoked, thrilled, excited, and can't wait for it!As many of you might have noticed yourselves, Christmas decorations are everywhere: in Singapore, too, they are everywhere! The entire Orchard Road, in the shopping malls, restaurants and cafes, churches, even the little clinic I went to has a little Christmas tree at one corner! And even Marine Parade Promenade has a Christmas tree, a statue of the three wise men, and blueish Christmas lights along the street! Not to mention, everywhere I go there's Christmas songs being played on the speakers. And last week, when I went to Orchard, there were little girls with bells asking for donation, and wishing everyone a happy christmas.
Yeah, the Christmas spirit is on the air!
Aaaaaaand, the end-of-year Great Singapore Sale is here! I'm going to do some christmas shopping this Saturday and I'm so excited!
But the thing that I look forward the most is being home with my family and friends, of course! After staying here (for too long), I really crave being home and celebrating Christmas with them. And attending the midnight mass with them, singing the carols and all, too!
I really look forward to the warmth and joy awwmygerddddd I can't waaaaait. *okay that was too much, sorry.
Anyways, here are some Christmas-related songs on my playlist!
- Jason Mraz - Winter Wonderland
- Michael Buble - Grown Up Christmas List
- Michael Buble - White Christmas
- Michael Buble - Santa Claus is Coming To Town
- Chipmunks - Christmas Don't Be Late
- Mariah Carey - All I Want For Christmas is You
- John Lennon - Happy Christmas
- Josh Kelley - Share This Day
- Joseph Vincent - Mistletoe (cover)
- Glee - Last Christmas
- Coldplay - Christmas Lights (oh well, this song is quite emo at the beginning, but Coldplay is just awesome and I really like the song!)
- DEPAPEPE - Jesu, Joy Of Man's Desiring
- Jessica & Ashlee Simpson - The Little Drummer Boy
Ahhh, I really love this time of the year. Gonna look for some Christmas cards soon. Perhaps I'll make some if I have time. I hope I have time. Oh well, have a happy Christmas, everyone! ☺♥
A letter to an old friend.
Dear friend,
I miss you. I miss the times we had heart-to-heart-talks, made stupid jokes and laughed at ourselves and other people.
I miss those time we just hanged around at school with your guitar and sang songs like some buskers. I miss those times when you introduced me to new songs that you knew I would like. You'd play them with your guitar, and when I wanted you to teach me how to play, you'd say no with that irritating smirk on your face. I would hit you or get annoyed for awhile, but then I would still stay there and listen anyway.
I miss reading your crappy handwriting--no offense, your handwriting is really crappy, you must admit that ;).
I miss teasing you with all those girls and the way you act cool in front of them. And believe it or not, I miss having you tease me with all those stupid nicknames you made.
I miss being your classmate. I miss having you in my group during those projects, even though I would end up scolding you for not doing anything right (I'm a D when I'm stressed, sorry about those times.)
I miss watching you play sports, and even though you kept teasing me for being so clumsy, and I never really cared about your sportiness, you often came to my mind when I watched people playing sports.
I regret not having taken any photos with you. I had loads with other people, but not even one with you. I wished we had taken at least one.
I miss talking at the phone with you. We would talk and talk about all the random things that popped in our minds, and there would be a few silences when we were thinking about the next random thing to be talked about, but those silences are never awkward. Well, maybe they were, but I didn't care back then. I don't think I even knew what "awkward" was, back then.
Now that it's been almost a year since the last time I saw you, and I'm far more familiar with the word "awkward", I really wish I could tell you in your face, that I miss you. I miss having you around, having a friend who has known me for so freaking long, that I can just be who I am.
The word "awkward" is just so stupid. It makes things change. It makes me feel so distant from people. From you. I have these doubts and second thoughts when I wanted to say certain things, because I fear the awkwardness would become even more intense. Or perhaps it's not the word, but it's just me. It's me, being ever so insecure and scared. Funny how as I grew up, I'm becoming more and more insecure and doubtful, scared of this and that. I'd always thought that growing up will make you more confident and carefree.
But who am I kidding, huh. Look at us now. Things are so awkward and urrrrrrrrrgh I have these lumps in my throat, like I have something to say but I just can't get the words out of my mouth. I'm too scared that you'll say something that I don't want to hear, and poof, there goes our friendship.
I know instead of writing it down here, I should've told you directly. But I'm scared. I promise I would talk more about this when we meet. If we ever meet again.
And I use English to say it. Oh my, you must be thinking how snobbish and silly I sound. I'm sorry. But I don't know how to say it, and English seems to be a… good enough way to express it.
If you read this, I hope you'd do something as well. Write back to me? I don't know.
loads of love.
OCTOBER: A Month of Firsts
October's coming to an end in just a few days.
Nope, I'm not gonna talk about Halloween. Sadly, Singapore is not a country that celebrates Halloween. I'd be thrilled if I can get a chance to do "trick or treat", but nay, it's okay.
So… October. After some consideration, I decided to give this month the title "A month of firsts." In just twenty plus days, I've been doing many "firsts", and let's just say that I'm proud enough to share all those here. Well, here are some of those firsts, without any particular order.
First time visiting 5 JCs in two weeks. My art teachers brought us "jc-hopping", where we got to visit other JC's art exhibition, looking at the seniors' A'levels courseworks and their prep-boards, to learn stuff, and draw some inspirations from those works for our own coursework next year.
So we--my artfriends and I--went all around Singapore from Bishan to Lorong Chuan to Bedok to Bukit Timah, walk around the exhibition spaces, look at the works displayed, and got to know some of the art people from other JCs. Some of them produced really really good and sensitive works; they sound so genuine and excited talking about their works, and I felt really inspired. Oh well, I felt a bit intimidated and stressed at times, seeing all their skills and craftsmanship, but I guess I'm more excited than scared for next year. Let's just hope for the best, shall we.
First time having my own artworks being exhibited. Other than visiting art exhibitions in other JCs, my school also had our own exhibition for the seniors' coursework. My batch were given one room to display our works. So we got to exhibit our own artworks! There were sculptures, illustrations, fake movie posters, sketches, videos, and prints displayed all around the room. We also set up the room ourselves: the lightings, the table and artwork arrangements, etc etc!
Of course, the seniors' courseworks are the limelight of the exhibition, and we'll get our turn next year; but still…. it's so exciting to have your own artworks to be exhibited, and your friends to see them :').
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| My lino-print: "The Smoke", made some time in March/April this year. Know more about linoleum print here |
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| My first abstract sculpture ever, made from acrylic sheets+heat gun: "The Evolution of Civilizations" |
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| the illustrations (mine is on the top row, the third one from the left)--made using Adobe Illustrator! |
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| My sketch: Katy Perry! |
First time doing a formal written report and having it submitted for a major exam. OH YOU KNOW WHAT I'M REFERRING TO. It's THE Written Report for the most interesting and awesome subject in JC: Project Work, or infamously known as WR. I've done some written reports for various subjects and projects in the previous years, but none of them was as intense as this one.
This particular report, I must say, had been such a pain in my ass for the past few months. Not only must we write a good report, we must also write it well within a word limit. (If you want to hear more about it, especially YOU, sec 4 students who are very curious about Project Work and how it is a very significant part of your first year in JC, do ask me privately, as I do not wish to discuss this fascinating subject in a great detail here.)
So, after spending all your free times and weekends doing this report, and having sleepless nights retouching and editing, my groupmates and I were overjoyed once we got our report printed and ready for submission. I bet all the JC1s are feeling the same way too ;)
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| THE COVER FOR MY WR! :'D |
First time venturing all the way to Pioneer MRT, Jurong West and also Punggol Beach. For those of you who are unfamiliar, Pioneer is a station at one end of Singapore, at the west area. And Punggol is at the north east end of Singapore. Of course I didn't go to these two places in one day.
Basically, I went to Punggol beach for some photography senior-mentorship outing, and I went to Jurong west also for some photography-related thing: to cover some sports event organized by Indonesian Students Association (PPISingapura). I shall not go into the details, but I'll just say that I had fun traveling despite the distance and the fatigue I got after the day.
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| le beach, photo taken by my friend Ruth. |
First time volunteering for a running event. Last week, Nike Singapore organized a running event and my friends asked whether I wanted to join volunteering for the race. It sounded quite interesting, so I decided to go. We stayed overnight there, from 12 midnight to 11AM. I must admit that it was quite memorable, as it was my first time staying awake doing nothing, just lying around at Marina Bay area, under the stars.
The event only started at around 7AM, so we had nothing to do until around 5AM. There were some problems we encountered due to the poor organization, and we were quite pissed. But the event was quite fun. We were stationed at a water point, and we had to give cups of water to the runners. It was rather hectic at some point, but overall it was fun and exciting, I had quite a good time. After the event, I was so exhausted due to the lack of sleep, I ended up sleeping all the way from 2PM to 3 in the morning! I myself still couldn't believe I slept that long haha.
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| The Name Tag for Volunteers! :) |
First time going to Holland Village!! Apparently if you're a "hip and cool" (gahul. Red) person living in Singapore, you should have been to Holland Village, or popularly known by my friends as "holland v" at least once. Most of my friends have been there at least once or twice, and when they knew I never got to go there, they were all shocked. So they brought me there.
For all ye who are not as "hip and cool" or simply have no idea about holland v, it's an area where there are loads of restaurants and cafes. The whole stretch of street is full of eating and chilling out places ranging from coffee shops to restaurants to bars. Some of the seats are outdoor, while some are indoor and air-conditioned, and the atmosphere is quite interesting. There are all sorts of food sold, from Sushi to Lebanese food, from German pork knuckles to dim sum!
There's this one small dessert place that sells delicious cupcakes: "Plain Vanilla." The place is quite secluded, but the cupcakes they sell is fantastic. Try their Milk Chocolate Banana or Cookies and Reese's Peanut Butter Cupcake. Just typing them down here makes me drool :9.
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| Island Creamery @HollandV! ;;). |
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| go check them out! |
In short, October is one fulfilling month. I was so tired most of the time, but there are many times I had fun, so the tiredness is kinda worth it, I guess :).
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